Recently I shared something about breastfeeding in public on facebook. A dear friend of mine commented that he was always uncomfortable around open breastfeeding. He said he never got used to it when he spent time in the Hispanic culture, but that the women were considerate and covered themselves when he showed obvious signs of embarrassment. He lamented the lack of courtesy American women sometimes show. I agree with him in some ways, and disagree with him in others.
As a teenager, I met a wonderful Argentinian woman and was welcomed into her home. She had children and was proudly showing me her family photo album. I was shocked when she showed me one picture of her breastfeeding at a large gathering. She was smiling at the camera, her breast totally bare except where the baby was eating. She explained to me, in the best English she had, that this is not acceptable in the United States, but in Argentina, it is not a problem at all. No one even notices. Despite my initial shock, I knew at that moment that it was beautiful, and it has stuck with me all these years.
Women throughout the ages have breastfed out in the open without making men uncomfortable, and it is only the oversexualization of the breast that has made it a problem now. Heck, even in church meetings women would breastfeed their babies without offending anyone. I'm not sure how we got to thinking breastfeeding is so inappropriate in public. People just can't handle seeing a nipple. It has become too sexualized. I mostly blame porn. Pornography has turned a women's body into something that should be feared by decent people. It has turned the breast, especially the nipple, into something horrifying and dirty. Something that will turn a decent man into a defiled one just at the sight of it.
Because of this, I do feel sorry for men when women throw their breasts out and feed their babies. Men and boys have been taught to turn away from the awful sight of the nipple. They have been taught that the breast is a sexual object, and if they see one they will certainly have terrible haunting thoughts about it. And they do! But only because they fight so hard NOT to think about it, because a mammary gland is such a terrible thing to think about. I want to say to my friend, I do not blame you.
I agree with my friend that women can be very inconsiderate, rude, and pushy on this topic. Women (and men for that matter) can be, as my friend put it "forceful and singular in [their] views." Women often throw their breasts out and simply will not show any sympathy for people who seem to be uncomfortable about it. I agree with their views on breastfeeding in public, I applaud them for standing up for themselves, but I don't agree with their methods.
The problem is that women are being bullied, but most people who do it don't know they are doing it. Many truly feel uncomfortable. I don't think that the best way for us to stand up for ourselves is to become bullheaded and rude. (Well, maybe a little bullheaded, but not rude.) We need to recognize that we are not the only victims in this crisis. However, we DO need to express ourselves. We need to be considerate, but we don't need to be told that our breasts are just unviewable and inappropriate. We do not need to accept the cultural norm that requires a woman to be isolated or a baby to be practically smothered in a cover while breastfeeding. We DO NOT. We need to spread the word and teach our children about breastfeeding. We need to breastfeed in public when we want to, but do little things that make it a little easier for people who feel uncomfortable. Remember that some of these men, boys, and even women, really struggle to overcome the ingrained discomfort at a bared breast.
Here are some suggestions
1. Give a quick warning. They may not be paying attention. Let them know what is going to happen so they can leave or turn away if they know they will be uncomfortable.
2. Turn away or use your free hand to cover the nipple when you are latching or releasing a latch.
3. Use your shirt or a small blanket or towel to cover the top of the breast.
4. Watch for signs of embarrassment. Perhaps a candid conversation about why you choose to breastfeed in public, or why you choose not to cover up can help ease things.
These things usually do not impede breastfeeding, and would go a long way toward endearing people to our cause. Be courteous, but if people are rude, stand up for yourself. Explain yourself. Don't be rude back, but don't let yourself be bullied. It simply isn't fair for people to expect a woman to always cover up while breastfeeding in the company of others.
Also, remember to teach your children that breastfeeding in public is okay, that a woman's breast is just a bottle for baby. If the next generation of breastfeeders can have it easier, we have done something good.
To those who are uncomfortable I would like to say this:
If you are uncomfortable, that is understandable. Perhaps some women should be more considerate. But sometimes the people who need more consideration are the mother and child. The mother who is most likely exhausted, and the child who is hungry and can't understand that waiting 5 minutes does not mean starving to death. Sometimes the person who needs the consideration is the mother who hasn't had a chance for adult conversation in days, and the baby who feels hot and suffocated under a blanket. Sometimes we can think of the mother who may be weepy and hormonal and has to feed the baby 10 times a day and is tired of being alone in her room, or in a gross bathroom, or in any corner she can find because her baby won't keep the blanket on. Remember that it can be a real trial for a woman to cover up. Make an effort to see the breast as what it is at that time in a woman's life: a baby feeder. Don't teach your children to fear the breast and breastfeeding. Don't shield their eyes from the wonderful thing that is happening when a mother gives nourishment to a helpless babe.
I hope to see a day when women can just plop out their baby feeders and satisfy their sweet babies without having to worry about offending someone, embarrassing someone, or enduring rude comments. I hope to see that day soon, but I think if we push too hard, our opponents will only push back. If we want to bring breastfeeding back, we need to expect a little courtesy, and a give a little in return.
Image found on the facebook page "The Other 98%" posted May 2, 2014 May or may not fit the mood of my post but it makes me laugh so hard I have to share it:
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