In Which I Acknowledge a Gift

It has been with me since the moment I was conceived. God gave it to me. It is the reason I am alive. It is the reason I can be with my husband and children. It is the reason I can enjoy life. Without it I cannot be happy.

Yet I have been ashamed of it. I have spoken ill of it to my friends. I haven't given it what it needs to succeed. I have been angry with it when I didn't think it was good enough, and yet I knew it was doing the best it could.

It makes it possible for me to be with the one I love, but I blame it when I do not feel beautiful enough for him. It makes it possible for me to bring children into this world, but I blame it when the process is painful or uncomfortable. It makes it possible for me to raise my children--to kiss them, hug them, nurse them when they are ill, and laugh with them when they are happy, but I blame it when I am not able to do things the way I think I ought to.

Because of it I can see and hear. I can create and love. I can smell and taste and breath. I can serve and bless the ones I hold dear. I can cherish each touch from mother, father, sweetheart, and child. I can sing and dance and think and feel.

I realize now how wrong I was to hate it, to revile it and neglect it. It has served me every day of my life, and I have abused it. I have failed to see its beauty.  It has given me everything it could and I never thought it was enough. When it needed care I abandoned it and gave it things that only made it worse. I told it to get over it. I despised it for its weaknesses.

But it is alive, and I love it for that. I don't know how long it will be that way. I don't know how long it will be able to keep me here with the ones I love and help me do the work I need to do.  I will try to be more kind to it. I will thank God for it. I will try to care for it. I will try to love it and speak kindly of it, and be grateful every day that it is still here for me.

This post was inspired by a lovely post on essentialmums.co.nz called "Passing on Body Hatred." It was beautiful and nearly made me cry. Thank you to the author, Kasey Edwards, for helping me see my body for the beautiful thing it is, and how perfect it is just because it is alive. Here is the link:

 http://www.essentialmums.co.nz/mums-life/health/8757837/Passing-on-body-hatred

The image above was found on wikimedia commons under the file name love_and_happiness.jpg